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hello ladies!

Dec. 15th, 2011 | 02:25 am
mood: ready for love

Look, just because I don't blog regularly doesn't mean I'm any less shameless. I've just been busy, what with another new baby around who "pets" me by throwing her tree stump body on top of me while laughing like Gary Busey.

Yeah, I watch Celebrity Apprentice, what of it.

It doesn't make me any less good looking.

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(no subject)

Dec. 12th, 2007 | 11:26 am
mood: misunderstood and unappreciate

You know, I really love that baby. I mean, she's pretty nice. And she's related to me by blood, so I sort of have to love her. And I'm a dog. I love everyone.

But sometimes she gets on my damn nerves.

For example, all she does is laugh and blink her eyes and everyone's all like ohhhhhhhhhhhhh cuuute babyyyy!! She bobs her arms up and down and everyone just laughs and laughs and coos and caws.

And I'm like: Ummmm. BIG WHOOOOOP. I can leap up in the air and catch a headless rubber chicken in my damn mouth, people. But does anyone care about that???????????????????????????????????????!!!!!!!!!!

I can lie on my back and thrust my legs into the air and twist into the shape of a pretzel. I'M DOING CIRCUS ACTS OVER HERE, PEOPLE! And umm hello. I HAVE MY OWN BLOG. 

But that baby? Ohhhh all she has to do is cough in that cute asshole way of hers and no one even CARES that I'm like Ringling Brothers over here. Drama queen.

I mean, I'm just gonna come out with it, okay? I am wayyy cuter than a stupid malformed coughing arm-wagging human. So why am I the only one who sees it??????????????????????????????????!

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(no subject)

Oct. 21st, 2007 | 09:37 pm
mood: contemplativecontemplative

I'm thinking about trying online dating. I wanna find me a hot little Baudelaire-loving Chickahuahuabowbow with a penchant for testicle-less shame-shunning cockapoos.

Does such a creature even exist? 

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(no subject)

Oct. 9th, 2007 | 08:37 pm
mood: contemplativecontemplative

The other day I ran from the living room to the bedroom and back again. And then into the kitchen, through the dining room, and out into the driveway. Then I ran up to Carolyn's apartment, and back down again.

Sometimes I feel like my life is just a Flock of Seagulls song. 

Other times I wonder, what am I running to?

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(no subject)

Oct. 7th, 2007 | 08:14 pm
mood: contemplativecontemplative

I  haven't posted in a while. I guess there's just been a lot going on. Sometimes I feel like the world is an ocean and I'm just a minnow skittering through it.

Other times I feel like a shark.

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(no subject)

Sep. 9th, 2007 | 08:26 am
mood: contemplativecontemplative

 What's the point of shame, anyway?

Can you sit on it?
Can you sprinkle it with shredded parmesan and eat it?
Can you touch it?
Can you sell it?
Can you see it?
Can you smoke it?
Can you wrap it in a boa?
Can you put 3D glasses on it and take it to Jaws?
Can it buy you dinner?
Can you hide it inside of a cake?
Can it comfort you when you're feeling lonesome and blue?
Can it ride the Ferris wheel with you at Coney Island?
Can you chase it down with a beer?
Can you stay up all night with it with your hair in curlers, talking about boys?

The answer to all these questions is N-O.

If I can't see it or smell it, I have no use for it. 

That's why I'm a dog without shame.

Yours forever,

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(no subject)

Aug. 18th, 2007 | 10:49 pm
mood: contemplativecontemplative

So I like to feel pretty and get my hair cut at fru-fru places. What of it?

I'm complicated, as well as fashionable. 

I'm just me. A dog without shame.

 Is that so wrong?

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(no subject)

Aug. 11th, 2007 | 06:30 am
mood: contemplativecontemplative

Sometimes, when I am running really fast, I imagine that I am a panther.

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Aug. 10th, 2007 | 10:01 am
mood: dirtydirty



i feel so violated.

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(no subject)

Aug. 8th, 2007 | 11:57 am
mood: contemplativecontemplative

!There is a cat in the neighborhood who is a real jerk. I hate it. It sits in the tree branches and asks me where my testicles are. The other day it actually came into the house. I said it had some nerve. It told me it was just trying to help me find my testicles, as it ran away.

Yeah. It better keep running!!

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